by Victoria Alexander, FilmsInReview.com
A disappointment. Spidey keeps his mask off and weeps. Everyone cries. I hated the silly monolith sad sack Sandman. Did Dunst's contract stipulate she sing two songs?
My weekly column, "The Devil's Hammer," appears every Monday on www.FromTheBalcony.com. The Devil's Hammer on FTB
I'm going to throw myself on my sword.
I dread, expect and am prepared for the backlash from fans but Spider-Man 3 is a CGI too-heavy, you've seen it all before, dud. I know it is rumored to cost close to $500 million (including marketing and prints) and that might influence some, but not me. There's no story here. The lack of acting shows.
It takes a special skill as a director to get actors who cannot act to show emotion. Having them cry is cop-out. However, director Sam Riami does have the abilities of a general to direct a high action/CGI production.
Spidey (Tobey Maguire) takes the mask off a lot. The mask is in the way of the star. It seems everyone living in Spideyland knows who is behind the mask except dear Aunt May (Rosemary Harris). Our Spidey cries often. Was weeping in everyone's contract? Even the dog cried.


I did like the demonized black Spider-Man (because he did not cry and enjoyed himself). Spider-Man gets possessed and does bad things.
Perhaps he should have gone to the neighborhood exorcist.
Spidey is up against everyone: Eddie Brock (Topher Grace) who is not only Spidey's rival Venom, but Peter Parker's competitor at the Daily Bugle. Then, there's Flint Marko (Thomas Haden Church) who turns into Sandman for no good reason. He's unhappy and just wants to steal money to help his sick daughter!
Harry Osborn (James Franco) is still struggling with his feelings for Peter (who keeps slipping in the homoerotic touches?) and will not let go of his obsessive Biblical love for his distant, dead father. He's got an altar to him. Osborn becomes the invulnerable flying New Goblin deluding himself that it is Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst) he loves while fixated on destroying Spider-Man. Nobody moves on.
Everybody has a good reason.
Peter, when not being idolized by everyone in New York, is still in puppy-love happiness with MJ. But MJ is jealous %u2013 what about her career as a singer on Broadway? Having a relationship with a superhero has a downside. Nobody cares what you do! Especially since MJ, now insecure about her poorly, but rightly, reviewed Broadway opening, has gorgeous flirtatious Gwen (Bryce Dallas Howard) circling Peter and Spidey!
When a strange blob from space hits Earth, it happens upon only one person. Peter begins to transform and his little dark moments turn into full-blown psycho behavior. Ah, I get it! Black Spider-Man represents all our hidden, suppressed violent tendencies society has chained. It takes an extraterrestrial goo (once known as Satan) to unleash the bad boy within! And once Peter gets a dose of Black Spider-Man testosterone he becomes super-confident. Unfortunately, only he can feel the darkness pulsing through him. His disco dance and Tony Manero stroll through Manhattan only makes the ladies cringe.
Maguire has said he wanted more Black Spider-Man but he just can't deliver the evil. In fact, he's rather ridiculous.
Dunst has said that there couldn't be more Spider-Man movies without her, Tobey, or director Sam Raimi. She believes the fans are too loyal to let anyone else play the role she created. Someone has to have a talk with Dunst's agent. Unless MJ turns into a she-devil arch-villainess, what can be done with her character in S-M 4, 5 and 6?
Well, the hoopla and praise doesn't seem to have impressed Maguire who wants to leave the role behind or Raimi, who is interested in the future franchise called "The Hobbit."
If there was new CGI developed specifically for Spider-Man 3, why is there a rehash of Spidey and New Gollum - I mean Goblin - flying down through 900 miles of Manhattan skyscrapers? The technology for Sandman might be impressive and the character may very well be beloved, but Sandman has no personality. How does Marko feel to be a walking sand pit? Where does he go to sleep? Raimi's team wasted money on a gigantic pit of sand.
Spider-Man 3 is critic-proof, so relax and enjoy it %u2013 if you can!